Monday, September 19, 2016

In Defense of Danielle (Sort Of) and Some Other Thoughts on 90 Day Fiance

To say the internet has been unkind of 90 Day Fiance's Danielle (of Danielle and Mohamed fame) would be an understatement. So I'm going to share my perspective on the situation, following last night's 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? episode.

You know when something happens and you just don't understand why? It happens to all of us. There are large scale things (global disasters) and small scale things, like a friend being upset with you, but you have no clue as to what happened and why. These things occur, and not always with a clear explanation. Okay, so, we've all been perplexed before, but we either accept that things are confusing or we understand that we don't have all of the answers.

So how does this tie in with Danielle? I legitimately don't think she understands why things went south with Mohamed. While it's clear as day to us television viewers, I really don't believe that she sees it. As an outside observer, we see the following:

  • Mohamed's obvious lack of interest in Danielle from the start
  • The warning signs Mohamed displayed with each passing episode
  • A man who clearly wanted a life that wasn't what he'd get in small town America
  • Danielle not being truthful with Mohamed about finances and other things
  • A recipe for disaster

What concerned me the most about the Happily Ever After? episode is Danielle still wanting to find and work things out with Mohamed because she loves him. That, tied with a lack of self awareness, is problematic. First and foremost, the love issue - even if she does love Mohamed, he doesn't love her. Even if he truly did love her at first and want to try a true relationship, that is clearly no longer the case. He walked out and wants to move to another state, for goodness sake. He's not willing to try. No amount of love on Danielle's part can fix Mohamed's indifference, and (mildly) in his defense, Danielle did lie to him about finances and her stability. Money can break many relationships, let alone those with the stress of a K-1 visa.

So, my defense of Danielle is this - I truly don't think she understands what happened, and I truly don't think she knows better than to want Mohamed back, thinking she can recreate her happily ever after. I think there's really the "If only he'd talk to me, then we could make it work!" mentality in her mind, whereas the sad reality is that nothing is going to save this relationship.

Oh yeah, and there's also a strong lack of accountability, like blaming Mohamed for their cable being turned off. Sure, the bills were put in his name, but as a person not living in the household, I see no reason why Mohamed would pay the bills. So is he out to ruin the family? No. He's out to save himself.

This relationship draws strong parallels to relationship between this season's Nicole and Azan. I don't mean their physical characteristics, I mean the codependency and insecurity displayed by Nicole. Nicole, like Danielle, clearly suffers from low self esteem, and seems to have a hard time seeing beyond herself. The difference is that Nicole is young, and I think she may look back at this and have a different perspective, whereas I think Nicole's is locked where it is.

In the most recent episode, Nicole displayed some warning signs that show that she needs a therapist more than a foreign romance:

  • She announced, giddily, on camera, that she and Azan had sex. He looked horrified, as he's from a conservative nation and that's not something that he was comfortable announcing on camera.
  • When Azan mentioned healthy eating and exercise, Nicole looked like she'd burst into tears as she said, "You'd want me to change?" We all have things that our partners may like us to change - giving vegetables and exercise a chance isn't so bad. She did, after all, blatantly state that she doesn't like vegetables, and vegetables are important for the sake of your health.
  • Nicole seemed to do no research on Morocco before going, and blamed Azan for pushing her away in public when public displays of affection are not widely accepted in Moroccan culture (at least per the show's explanation).
  • She left her daughter for five weeks - FIVE WEEKS - to chase a foreign romance. Is that really okay?
 As for the others, Chantel clearly wants to be with Pedro but his motives are questionable, and the lies they're telling aren't helping. Anfisa isn't very convincing that she's not just into Jorge for the money, and I think Matt and Alla are legit, however strange their background circumstances may be. But we will see!


Unknown said...

Danielle needs therapy really bad! Mohamed don't want you! After all you did lie to him! You are too old to be chasing him down!Just SMH at Nicole!😕

Unknown said...

Danielle needs therapy really bad! Mohamed don't want you! After all you did lie to him! You are too old to be chasing him down!Just SMH at Nicole!😕

Anonymous said...

I am convinced Mohamed is Gay and Louisa is a transsexual. Because it appears his friend TOM is gay, so that flew a red flag up earlier to me. As for money, if he couldnt or wouldn't help give Daniel money, who was paying for his trips to Florida and other places he visited in the USA? As well as when he did move to Miami, where was the money coming from that paid for his place to live and his nice automobile he was driving? He seemed to be doing pretty well. So yes, Louisa, please do tell the truth. I personally am appalled and want to see his arse deported!

Vespaaah said...

We learn from a later episode that Danielle & Mohamed still have a joint bank account, so it's very possible that delusional Danielle is still supporting him.