Somewhere, Holly Madison is squealing with joy (and she's totally willing to support Hef in his time of need, per a Twitter update), because Crystal Harris has called off her wedding to Hugh Hefner after a fight...just five days before their wedding!
I hate to say it, but my first thought was that Crystal realized that Hef's got a lot of life in him, and she might actually be married to him for more than five years of her life. Crystal contends that she had a change of heart, and felt wrong about marrying Hef because it wasn't fair to him. She said Hef was only marrying her because that's what she wanted, not that it was a dream of his.
The Lifetime network must be disappointed, because they'd planned to air the Crystal Harris / Hugh Hefner nuptials in July. This is a shame because we would get to see Hef's bachelor party, and really, how do you throw a bachelor party for a man who owns a mansion where tons of naked women roam daily?
Hef wants you to think that the split was amicable and Crystal simply had a change of heart, but reports also tell of a big fight that Crystal to move out of the Playboy Mansion. I also heard that Crystal was sick of eating dinner at four PM and of the low allowance Hef gave her monthly. (Not that any of us get monthly allowances without working, but whatever.)
There seems to be more to this story than is on the surface. Harris is reportedly dating Phil McGraw's son Jordan McGraw, and her single Club Queen just dropped. Perhaps the faux marriage was just a publicity stunt on Crystal's part after all. (McGraw and Harris maintain that they are just friends, although McGraw and Harris agreed that marrying Hef would be bad for Harris' singing career.) Even if there wasn't major manipulation behind the split, Harris is 25 and Hef is 60 years older than she is, so it's probably for the best for both of them. (And Hef's kids would probably have bugged out when Crystal took loads of Hef's cash in their prenup-free marriage.)
Note: Listen to Crystal Harris' song Club Queen. It's actually not bad! The vocals on Club Queen are significantly better than the live ones that we heard on The Girls Next Door, and way better than Paris Hilton's attempt at a singing career.
Crystal also still released her Funny or Die video mocking herself and her age gap from Hef. See the video below.
If you're worried about Hef and his happiness, you can relax. He emphasized the fact that there were no nasty arguments (not that I believe it), and he received comfort from ex-Girls Next Door star Bridget Marquardt and his ex-wife Kimberly Conrad.