Friday, September 3, 2010

Reality Snark: Fame for the Sake of Fame

What does it really take to be famous these days?

Paris Hilton's Story

On the upcoming show "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," two of the featured housewives are Kim and Kyle Richards.

Who, you may ask?

Well, they were in movies as kids, but nobody cares. The first thing to be noted on their bios is the fact that these women are sisters of Kathy Hilton. And why do we care about Kathy Hilton? Because she's Paris Hilton's mom, and we care about Paris Hilton because she's a freaking train wreck.

Seriously. Paris Hilton released a badly selling CD. Did anybody care? No. (Except for the fact that we could make fun of it in the way that we make fun of Heidi Montag's ridiculous music.) She also starred in some movies. Did we care. Once again, no.

However, when she starred in "The Simple Life" and "Paris Hilton's My New BFF," we did care. Why is that? Because we love when famous people get even more famous just for being famous. It's kind of screwed up, when you think about it. We cared more when Paris dumped Nicole Ritchie's friendship, got mad and stole a copy of her sex tape from a store and got arrested for cocaine possession than we did when she participated in a legitimate film. We loved to see her go to jail, yet we barely batted an eyelash when she did something real. In fact, I can't even think of anything else real that she's done. Somehow, I don't think lending your name as a brand to a hair straightener really counts as legitimate work.

Heidi Montag

Speaking of Heidi Montag, she and soon to be ex-husband Spencer Pratt made a fortune off of being jerks. They screwed over Lauren Conrad, who is the reason they are famous, mind you, and battled their way to the top of reality fame. However, does anyone actually like Speidi? I'm going to go with no. They've made enemies everywhere they go, from pissing off their parents to angering the participants on "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!"

I think the female half of the Speidi duo should take a look back and thank her lucky stars that she's only caused the damage that she has thus far to her body, reputation and family. Because now that Spencer's kicking her to the curb, her fame will be sliced in half. Plus, she's already jumped the reality shark so many times that people barely even care about her sex tape with Karissa Shannon. (I don't believe for a second that Heidi and Karissa don't want their sex tape released, by the way.)

So, what does it take?

The key to gaining reality fame is to generate controversy. Be a jerk. Do stupid things. But here's the problem. In most cases, you have to make people hate you. And when your fifteen minutes of fame are up and you can't get a job because you showed your junk to the world on national reality television, you've got nothing! You've alienated friends and family, made worldwide enemies, and what do you have to show for it? $20,000 that will quickly be spent by your publicist, who's trying and failing to save your tarnished reputation.

So, Levi Johnston, Frank The Entertainer and New York, hold onto your slice of reality pie while you can, because as soon as you eat it, it's gone and the shame goes straight to your hips. (Case in point: does anyone still care about Pumpkin from "Flavor of Love" or Taya from "Rock of Love"? Yeah, I didn't think so.)

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